Could this be something???

The Final 304 Design

I wasn’t the first 304 Design and there’s a pretty good chance that I won’t be the last but I’m quite confident that I am the first and last to give it a proper name.

What’s in a name? Have you ever heard someone ask that before, I have. And it turned out there was quite a bit in the names I was considering.

I wanted to start this blog as a virtual diary of sorts but then I freak out at the word diary. It’s a place where I want and need to share the unspoken and indescribable words and feeling of another average, middle aged, woman who came into this lifetime on this Earth in the late 1970’s and has managed to survive and stay alive to see 2019.

I’m all too aware of the cliche and pseudo-creative intentions as well as the therapeutic benefits society bombards is with when it comes to self help and healing. Journal, meditation, reflection, mindfulness and so on. All those terms that didn’t exist before Prozac went mainstream.

But the sad, beneficial truth of the matter is that there is a little something to it. Especially when you take great care and attention to suppress problems and feelings like thoughtful person should and could do. I emphasize the should and could aspects of repression in regards to being a burden or a pain in the ass to others.

I’m mindful of purposeful repression for the greater good but this will only work best if one is a true introvert that successfully recharges with prolonged and frequent retrieval’s of isolation. Yes there is a such thing and let me tell you something it’s saved my ass thus far.

I like to refer to this as my Season of Isolation. Two plus years of profound pain and loneliness accompanied with intense self reflection, prayer, and ultimate transformation. The only thing that comes to mind for comparison is being in the 3rd trimester of pregnancy in the dead of summer with a fetus that weighs as much as a three-month old. But this 3rd trimester has lasted far beyond nine months and has stretched into a timeframe of two plus years. Yeah I think that’s an adequate comparison of uncomfortableness and understanding.

What have I given birth to? Well I’m not so certain I’ve delivered just yet but I’ve indeed felt the contractions and subsequent turning towards the birth canal. What I hope to give life to and deliver is a peaceful, rested, sense of how to live the rest of this last (304) God-given-design a proper way to die. I want to live to die properly and if I’ve learned one thing during this miraculous birthing event is that there is indeed a proper way to die. THANK YOU JESUS CHRIST for that.

Addiction, anxiety, births, cemetery communities,DNA, deaths, family’s, fellowships, marriages, divorces, illnesses, love, lost loves, questionable paternity, questions, responsibilities, religious confusion, unity, victims and victories. From A-V I could tell you some shit that would make you run, cry, or even consult the authorities. But I want to find the proper way to the one and only Word that starts with Z and ends my alphabet and that’s ZEN.

Not the formal associated word to any particular Religion just the basic, uncomplicated, and elementary definition of the word with the Emphasis on Enlightenment.

ABC….it’s going to be as east as 123. Simple and proper to the best of my ability along with Gods will. I just felt that tap and heard that faint whisper from the voice of God. He said, “ you can and I will help you keep it simple and proper so long as you keep seeking and praying”. Yes I’m pretty sure that was the message that just came through.

God isn’t simple and His mysterious ways don’t always seem “proper” to me or my understanding and that’s okay. Because I’ve been instructed by Him to speak honestly and openly about my thoughts, feelings, understanding, questions, concerns, and so forth. If I can’t be honest with God good grief I’m screwed.

I can’t say with certainty because I don’t want to be disrespectful of God plus I fear Him a great deal. I’ve lived this 304 designed life with the wrath’s and wrestling rings of the Old Testament. I get so bothered by the ways and means that our so-called civilized society has entitled themselves to preassigned pride and the gregarious greed that has become our fashioned social status. And I say this being fully and regrettably guilty of such behavior or attitude. I feel this kind of behavior and attitude can be dismissive of the Old Testament laws and covenant.

Oh my God yes THANK YOU JESUS for everything you are and everything you represent. Talk about a pro taking one for the (whole) team. Yeah that’s right Jesus is the man, the begotten son that walked the walk, talked the talk, and shed the blood for our ridiculous human race. Humans suck at life. By default we just suck and come with no other possibilities of perfect success and existence. Talk about having the odds stacked against ya. Anyways….

Definition of Ratio

Jesus’ life and death brought about a new covenant a New Testament. New beginnings. A do-over sort of. Omg thank you Jesus for that. Words and prayer alone by all of us sucky humans for eternity wouldn’t be enough to sing His praise and purpose. But don’t stop trying…. So with this eternal promise that God sent forth and for us in Jesus was more than a savior or a do-over it was the promise of a relationship. Fellowship. Friendship. Companionship. Unity. Bonds. Jesus allowed us to have access to the almighty One in three different forms. Talk about a perfect example of a 1:3 ratio.

A true definition of ratio…the relationship between two similar magnitudes; proportional relation.

I shouldn’t have to emphasize the relationship or relational but it kind of speaks for itself. That’s truly awesome and amazing and I’ve never thought of it like that before. Cool. The point I’m trying to make is that for all the freaks, foreigners, and fuck-ups in this existence Jesus and His addition of the New Testament of living, living, learning, and likeness could never be described or explained with the true magnitude of what it represents.

Because of this New Testimony and covenant foreigners like me have the opportunity and right to ask questions, address concerns, debate doctrine, and forge fellowships with the OG. I truly believe God wants me to question and think because when I do my mind is on Him. Damn He’s good. And you don’t have to take my word for it but you darn well better read His Word for it. Which can be located in Exodus 20:3-5.

3.Thou shalt have no other gods before me.

4.Thou shalt not make unto thee any graven image, or any likeness of any thing that is in heaven above, or that is in the earth beneath, or that is in the water under the earth.

5.Thou shalt not bow down thyself to them, nor serve them: for I the Lord thy God am a jealous God, visiting the iniquity of the fathers upon the children unto the third and fourth generation of them that hate me;

Yes that’s straight out of the OT but the language didn’t change since the NT. Gods Word is a real, living existence. He wrote about that too: Hebrews 4:12.

Verse International Version
For the word of God is alive and active. Sharper than any double-edged sword, it penetrates even to dividing soul and spirit, joints and marrow; it judges the thoughts and attitudes of the heart

I shared my truth and stand witness to this…. God is God and God is good. He doesn’t operate like we do (duh..thank Heavens right) and He makes this very clear in His word. In black and white it’s stated and its purposely composed by and for principle. But God has invited me on many occasions to dig a little deeper, read a little further, and to flip a few more pages because His Word is awesome and amazing and always appropriate. As for my God He speaks to me and relates with me in a way that I understand best. He made me. He knows me. He has the depth finder to my heart. So why would He not keep me engaged, encouraged, enlightened, and earnestly seeking His Holy euphemisms and prophetic puns. Oh yes my friends they are there all over the pages and within the chapters of the Holy Bible. And please, please don’t ever think or dismiss the notion that God is and can be very funny. Once He gets started He doesn’t want to stop. He’s kind of a show off like that.

*** I just felt that tapping on my soul with the latest update ****

He said that He wasn’t a show off He was just really good and I’ve been a ridiculous pain in the ass with all my “questions and concerns” that Divine Interventions were needed. He found my lack of faith as a proper teaching moment and since we had been so out of touch with one another He had to download my 304 design from the cloud so He could get creative and basic and elementary in the most proper, appropriate, and effective means. Emphasize in means only when extreme times called for extreme measures.

When I type these words out and see them on the screen and read them to myself it’s like Ive experienced something amazing over and over again. Yes that was the Plan He just whispered. Now He wants me to tell you why. I do believe He wants me to put a bold spin on it like a true 304 design but only with the proper reference and backup with scripture. Okay. Done.

2 Corinthians 3:12. Therefore, since we have such a hope, we are very bold.

2 Corinthians 3:16-18. But whenever anyone turns to the Lord the veil is taken away. Now the Lord is the spirit, and where the spirit of the Lord is, THERE IS FREEDOM. And we all with unveiled faces contemplate (thoughtful study; to view with continued attention) the Lords glory are being transformed into His image with ever increasing glory, which comes from the spirit which is the Lord.

Thank You Paul from Corinth. If Paul hadn’t wrote those letters upon Gods request and Jesus hadn’t been sent and begotten then I would have forever remained foreign to those facts. And right there upon those 2000+ year old pages and displayed in black and white is a very concise, appropriate, and proper explanation in the many ways God works. I’m not saying that the all time top ten that Moses hammered out in stone is not a clear and concise account of Gods true word. But let me tell you something about that Holy Spirit and the way He can spin it and brings words to life. How freakin exciting is that. That’s pretty awesome.

Gods living, holy word I do not deny. Jesus I do not deny. The spirit I do not deny. The Old and New testimonies I do not deny. My relationship and fellowship with God I do not deny. Gods goodness and great love I do not deny. I DO NOT DENY GOD. I COULD NOT DENY GOD ever even with my wavering and questioning faith and trust a lot of the time. And I don’t deny that this faith and trust comes and goes. But what God hasn’t denied me is the opportunity and encouragement to seek Him and find Him forever and always.

I’m slowly learning to Let Go and Let God and because of His glorious mercy and grace He’s let my faith and trust waver and He continues to answer, teach, and guide because He knows my heart and He’s felt my pain but Thank you Jesus He sees the potential that I cannot. He’s working within me a purpose and a plan that is specific and critical to TIME. reminding me that my specific and unique 304 design measures distance in an eternities TIME FRAME.

Our humanistic understanding of TIME is defined by a dictionary as:


  1. the system of those sequential relations that any event has to any other, as past, present, or future; indefinite and continuous duration regarded as that in which events succeed one another. 
  2. duration regarded as belonging to the present life as distinct from the life to come or from eternity; finite duration. 
  3. ( sometimes initial capital letter ) a system or method of measuring or reckoning the passage of time: mean time; apparent time; Greenwich Time. 
  4. a limited period or interval, as between two successive events: a long time.

With my God-given ability and uniquely weaved 304 design the Almighty God that I pray to has granted me a new definition of the word TIME. I define that word as:

T – Things

I – I

M- must


Oh my god thank you Jesus I heard that…and you know I appreciate that so much. Thank you for your prayers. Thank you for extending your almighty arms with one hand on my heart and the other on God’s heart and allowing that the depth of my heart flow freely and come to find favor with my God. Thank you for revealing yourself and your powerful purpose of His divine plan. Dear Jesus you do so much more than just set there at Gods right hand. You are Gods right that was handed to us. Wow. I just had my mind blown, schooled and tested with a passing essay test to and for the God of my understanding.

It clicked. That one single piece of that annoying 1000 year puzzle just surfaced and fit quite nicely into the place it belongs revealing some of the most amazing and beautiful detail that didn’t change the overall picture. I knew I didn’t need that missing piece to successfully work that puzzle but I CANNOT DENY that this one piece can and does reveal the beauty and hidden gems that exist and to unnoticed in the background.

The backbone of the American economy is and has always been small businesses. Not the femur or the humorous bone it’s the backbone. The framework. The support. The foundation. The base. The infrastructure. The footing. The authority. The ABCs of basic building blocks.

God blessed America and when we dummies forgot about that and the people who founded this country and replaced liberty and justice for ALL with enormous prideful societies and gregarious greed God with all His mercy and grace got creative and used that source of monetary greed as another imperfect vessel to remind of His holy word. He used one of His precious, earthly metals and allowed the formation of a ONE, copper, coin with each one stamped in the words of “IN GOD WE TRUST” and with true flair and function flipped that baby over and reminded us again of His true holy nature stamped out in the words “ONE CENT”.

But His mercy and grace allows me to measure TIME in distance. And His mysterious teachings and lively spirit gives me the wisdom to read a message CENT and a true appreciation and proper encouragement to have more pun with a words.

Jesus might prefer word scrambles.

TIME CENT. How many words or phrases can you divide and conquer with these two newly defined nouns. But ask this one question before you do. “What did Jesus do”?

C EMIT TEN. One letter that sounds like two differently spelled and defined words. A second word flipped and by definition means to send forth liquid, light, heat, and sound particles that is placed right in the middle of trifecta of words that brings and defines an a specific numerical measurable value.

Wow. God is good. Jesus is right. The Word is alive. And the Holy Spirit gives it a new life. And this unique last of the 304 designs heats and

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